“You’re off to Great Places!
Today is your day!
Your mountain is waiting,
So… get on your way!”
― Dr. Seuss, Oh, the Places You’ll Go!
This little cowgirl caught my attention at the horse show over the weekend. I don’t think anybody told her that horse wasn’t real or that race wasn’t the Kentucky Derby. We could learn a thing or two from her.
One of my favorite things is when it rains during the night. I love to listen to the drops hit the trees and the roof as I fall asleep. I can listen to the rain and my mind slows down. In a word, it’s peaceful! So, I was surprised this morning when I woke up to this:
A rainy, drippy, droppy, sloppy morning! How could I have missed this? I could have slept really really good if I’d known this! I missed it because we usually sleep with a floor fan whirring. It makes good background noise.
Background noise. This is one of those can-be-good or can-be-bad things. If you need the noise to block out distractions, it can be good. But, if the noise is blocking out everything, it can be bad.
Background noise can come in all shapes and sizes. It can be the whining of a co-worker about working late this week. It can be the whaling of a toddler in the grocery store checkout line. It can be the nagging feeling that comes from a long to-do list. We can’t stop the background noises in our lives nor can we stop ourselves from listening to it. But, we can be aware of the impact it can have on our attitudes, outlooks and general disposition. Awareness is where action begins. So, if you can think of some background noise that is blocking out the good things around you, watch out. You’re about to miss out on your rain.
Hold on to your seats, but I’ve turned 40. Yep. Did it over the weekend. It didn’t really bother me, to be honest. And it was so fun being queen for a day in my house. Actually, I was queen until Sunday morning.
After a delicious breakfast at work, Friday afternoon was pretty quiet. I was glad, but won’t deny I wondered if it was the calm before the storm. I don’t know what I thought would happen at the precise moment I clocked 40 years under my belt. The wrinkles are still in place, but no worse. My thighs still jiggle, but no more. I still get winded easily, but I don’t need an oxygen mask. Interesting.
Friday night, some dear friends took me on a surprise outing to Atlanta for…drumroll, please….a George Strait concert! And you know what? I think he knew it was my birthday and that’s why he sang those songs right to me. Don’t bother, you can’t make me think otherwise. We had such a great time. Even sitting in traffic is fun with your girlfriends.
Saturday, The Hubs and kids cooked a very very tasty dinner for me after an afternoon of sitting in front of the fire. They set the dining room table, had fresh flowers for the centerpiece and we even used cloth napkins! Emma said there was some “conversation” over the way the silverware was placed at first. Seems The Hubs tried to blame Ben for a knife placement misdemeanor. Naturally, Emma straightened it out.
And my birthday present, you ask? A cowboy hat, of course! I wore it all day on Saturday. Inside the house. I love it. It completes me. I can do anything now. I think if I were to wear my boots and hat at the same time, something large and unexpected could happen. I’ll keep you posted on this.
What was already a perfect birthday weekend was crowned with a horseback ride with Emma Sunday afternoon. It was really cold, but we layered up and had a blast. It’s a surreal experience to watch your child enjoy doing something you love to do while you are also doing it. Kinda hard to explain. Just know I experience a bit of heaven each time we ride.
Speaking of heaven…I don’t know that I’ve ever talked about my faith on this blog. But it’s there. And it’s something I am thankful I have every single day. Turning 40 was a blast for me. I was with people I love and got to do things that make my heart nearly burst with joy. And I’m keenly aware that not everybody can say that about their everyday life, much less their birthday. I certainly don’t deserve to be as happy as I am and I haven’t deserved all these years of blessings. But, here I am and so is He and it just doesn’t get much better.
Except on the day that I will wear my hat and boots and meet George Strait. We don’t have anything on the calendar or anything, but I think I saw him wink at me Friday night.
About a month ago, the cordless phone in the kitchen stopped working. No warning, no beeping to say ‘Get ready, I’m about to leave you high and dry.’ It just stopped working. So, we brought in a counter top phone from the storage closet. I don’t know what these kinds of phones are really called, but it’s the kind that sits on the counter or a table and the part you talk into has to stay plugged into the base. We used to call the base on these phones ‘the hook’. Did y’all? I can hear Mama now, “Honey, put this back on the hook, please.”
Today just happens to be my grandmother’s birthday. Ninety-six years old. Wow. This is another topic surely to be taken up in another post, but just know that when I called to tell her happy birthday, I was reminded how the one what’s on the phone and making polite conversation can’t get over to the one what’s creating trouble. You are only as good as the length of the phone cord. And I usually need more than that thing offers.
don't be deceived by his little cute face
In the minutes leading up to my innocently calling my beloved grandmother to wish her the happiest of days, Ben (10) pulled out a candle and a lighter. The male persuasion has the most curious infatuation with fire. It drives me crazy. Further, it drives me crazy to find my beautiful scented candles with a beetle melted into the wax. Or the letters B-E-N carved on the outside. Moving on.
So, with the kitchen smelling of our dinner waiting on the stove, Emma was at the kitchen table looking up hairstyles on the computer, Ben was at the counter with his candle and lighter, The Hubs was due in from work any minute and I assumed the position – across the room – to call Babba (my grandmother).
“Hello?” came my own mother’s voice on the second ring.
“Mama! Hey! What are y’all doing?”
“Well, hey, darling! We came to eat pizza with Babba for her birthday. What are y’all doing?”
“Nothing. Just finished cooking supper.”
“Were you calling to tell Babba happy birthday?” Niiiice. She thought I’d forgotten, so she wasn’t really asking. She was telling me why I had called. It was about right here, I think, that it registered with me that Ben had lit the candle and was leaning in for a good sniff.
“Hello?” Babba’s voice. Not much above a whisper but never far away from a cackle.
“Hey Babba! Happy birthday! Have you had a good day?”
“Yeah. Sure have. You?”
“Yes, ma’am.” This is when I noticed a little bit of a hustle going on over by the counter. Emma, Ben said in a loud stage whisper, Emma! Oh my gosh. Did you see that? My hair was on fire.
“Yes, ma’am. I did have a good day. I can hear Daddy’s voice in the background. Who else is eating pizza with you?”
What part? Emma replied without even looking up from the computer. What?? Ben asked with eyes as big as tractor wheels. What part of your hair? Emma asked.
“Well, Sue and Guy. Lou and Rick. It sure is good.” I was grounded by that dumb 1989 phone! I couldn’t hang up on Babba, but Ben’s hair is or was on fire??? I did a quick twirl and stretch to see how much I could get out of that springy cord, but Ben was still across the room and Emma hadn’t looked up yet.
Emma, did you hear it sizzle? Ben said with a little giggle.
WHAT is that smell? Aaand, Emma joins the group.
“Well, Babba, I’m sorry to have to hang up so fast. Ben has caught his bangs on fire. I’m glad you had a good birthday. I love you.”
“I love you too, Sugar.”
On my way from what felt like the other side of the world to where Ben sat at the counter, I glanced down over Emma’s shoulder to see the Google search bar staring up at me with “long curly hair for white girls”. What in the world. No, I’m not asking a question, it’s just all I can and could think of to say.
“Ben. Give me that candle. And the lighter. Now, I was trying to talk to Babba on the phone. How in the world could you catch your hair on fire?”
Of course, he had no comment. But I could tell he had thoroughly cracked himself up. Maybe I should have kept right on chatting with Babba and let his head heat up just a little. Clinton Anderson would say that was letting him commit to his mistake.
Like so many other manners misdemeanors with kids these days, I could blame his bad behavior on technology. I mean, if the cordless phone hadn’t broken and I didn’t have to be using outdated equipment, I could have gotten over to that blazing bangs inferno right quick like. In reality, it’s his own fault. At 10 years old, he should know some fire safety and I know I’ve told him more than 25 times to be quiet when adults are talking on the phone or in person.
I wonder if Smokey the Bear makes house calls? Or, Emily Post, for that matter. I’ve just about done all I can here.
Got the Monday blues? Well, perk up! You’ve got a job to do today!
Today is Pay a Compliment Day. That means you need to find someone you can say something nice about and say it to them. A note would do the trick, too. OR, a little sweet treat with a nice note would be even better. Or, a fresh flower, with a sweet treat and a nice note. Or, a few fresh flowers, a recipe they could use for dinner tonight, a sweet treat they could have for dessert and a nice note. Or, you could prepare the recipe, include the recipe card, make the sweet treat, write a nice note and take it to them. Or, you could just say ‘Hey, you did a nice job today.’
Ok. I’m done here. You just do whatever you want. I’m tired.
It’s time to wrap up the Clinton ‘n Kate show. We’re breaking up. Clinton will, I guess, keep on training horses and their people. I mean, he does a decent job at it. And, I will move back to posts related to inspired living and good behavior discovered in unexpected places and in unexpected ways.
But, before we go (you knew that was coming), I want to include 3 Clinton-isms that weren’t included in previous Clinton ‘n Kate posts. I wish I could type these out using his Australian accent – just for added impact.
“Get out of my personal space.” I can think of a few experiences in my professional life where someone put themselves in my personal space. Clinton uses a 4 foot stick to help correct this type behavior. I’m just sayin’.
“You want your horse to use the thinking side of his brain, not his reacting side.” Reactions. Now, this can bring on some problems when peppered with unfiltered emotion, too much time and an unlady-like mouth. I agree with Clinton. It’s a brain thing. You have to train your brain to slow down and think when certain situations feel like a trigger.
“He who moves first, loses.” I love this one. When there is a conflict, it can often lead to a standoff. For leaders, it’s critical that your foothold be strong and unwavering; otherwise, you will find yourself modifying your business plan, company policies or even your sense of right and wrong to accommodate the one who dug their heels in the deepest.
Clinton offers a clinic that is a train the trainer program. He works with participants in perfecting his method so they can start their own business teaching horsemanship. All the while I was listening and watching Clinton move through the different parts of his program, I was reminded of what a good trainer provides. Information, of course, but in a way that makes it relatable and usable to the people receiving the information. I’ve heard from readers this week who are not horse people but who say they learned some great life lessons from Clinton’s comments. In his train the trainer clinic, I wonder if he prepares his students to share this knowledge as well as he does. I wonder if he shares these nuggets with them and teaches them how to pay them forward to future horsemen and leaders in the easy and personable way he doles it out himself? I hope so. Because leading and training? These are big deals inside the training pen and out.
Another installment of the Clinton ‘n Kate show. I have to tell you that this is my first blog series. I was a little intimidated by the thought of sticking to a certain theme all week, but this is pretty fun. Right? Aren’t we having fun? Clinton? I didn’t hear you, Clinton.
(Note: Clinton Anderson doesn’t know me from Adam’s house cat, so know that I’m taking his name in vain, poor thing. I’ll do my best to quote him exactly and note where his wisdom ends and my expounding begins. And, yes, I’m going so far as to refer to him by his first name. This will read a lot easier. Plus, I’m older than him.) I think it’s only fair to protect his good will and intention with this disclaimer.
We’ve covered the importance of gaining respect from the people you lead and how to go about starting a change from undesirable behavior to something productive and safe. Now, how can you know if the change you are considering is something worth pursuing?
I’m glad you asked. Clinton has 4 questions he tries to answer before he attempts a new training method on his horses:
1. Will it hurt me?
2. Will it hurt my horse?
3. Will anything be learned?
4. Will the lesson be retained?
Let’s take #1. The ‘me’ outside the horse world could still mean you, literally, or it could mean your company, your team or your household. Another way to present this question may be ‘Will it hurt our ability to be profitable or to move forward?’
#2: To re-state, ‘Will it hurt the people I lead professionally or personally?’
#3: This one is big. If there is nothing to be gained, why do it? Are you presenting a “change” that could also be called “busy work”? As leaders, we have an obligation to lead people in ways that allow them to grow. Even if that means they ultimately outgrow what you or your company or the current position they hold. If you don’t agree with this, you need to re-think why you want to be a leader.
#4: An excellent question to end on! If the “change” fixes an immediate problem – but only for the here and now – is it worth spending the time or money? That’s not a true change! It’s a temporary fix. Think long-term. Think big-picture.
Four questions with only 1 correct answer: If it’s good for the whole, it’s good.
More tomorrow! Stay Civil and move those feet!
Welcome back to the Clinton ‘n Kate show! Today, we’re talking about change.
kidding…I need to include this caveat from yesterday’s post in order to protect this poor man’s reputation: (Note: Clinton Anderson doesn’t know me from Adam’s house cat, so know that I’m taking his name in vain, poor thing. I’ll do my best to quote him exactly and note where his wisdom ends and my expounding begins. And, yes, I’m going so far as to refer to him by his first name. This will read a lot easier. Plus, I’m older than him.) Poor guy. He probably has a hitch in his step and he can’t figure out why.
Change. That’s the whole reason these problem horses are brought to these clinics. To have Clinton change some undesirable behavior into something safe and workable. As I mentioned in yesterday’s post about respect, Clinton seemed to have a checklist of things to consider in order to prepare for change to be implemented.
First, you must have respect, he said. And demanding respect, he explained, isn’t a moral issue, it’s a safety issue. In the literal sense, he meant that if a horse doesn’t have respect for humans, they rebel in ways that can hurt people (biting, pushing, rearing, etc). But, isn’t that true outside the horse world? If a person doesn’t respect their co-workers, there’s really nothing to inspire them to work alongside the team toward project milestones and ultimate timely completion. If a child doesn’t respect their parents, there’s nothing to inspire them to follow the rules of the household or behave nicely. And, while these things may not cause physical harm, these things cause emotional harm to both the child and the parent and can cause bottom line harm to a company. Respect comes first. Clear and non-negotiable leadership must be established.
So, in order to change a bad into a good, you have to start doing things differently. To use Clinton’s words, if you keep doing the same thing, you’re going to keep getting the same thing. Where knowledge runs out, frustration begins, he said. Are you seeing the implied message? Action! In order to see change, you have to move. 
Clinton’s method says that in order to control the horse’s mind, you must create movement, then redirect the movement. This reminds me of the adage ‘An idle mind is the devil’s playground’. Move those feet, Clinton would say as he would push the horse to walk, trot, canter around the arena. Redirect the energy to do bad, toward something good, he said.
Are you thinking of ways you can implement change in your office? Just writing this post, I’ve mentally added about 3 things to my children’s chore list. Throwing a lot of new assignments on a person isn’t what he means…remember where knowledge runs out, frustration begins? Be prepared to coach and train your peeps toward the change you are looking for. You won’t see immediate results, so prepare yourself and your team (or kids) that immediate gratification isn’t the goal. The goal is a long-term, permanent shift away from something uncomfortable or unprofitable toward something that feels good and is safe.
How can you know if the change you are considering is really the right thing? Tune in tomorrow!
In yesterday’s post, I talked about going to Clinton Anderson’s Downunder Horsemanship Walkabout Tour over the weekend. I was so taken by the entire experience that I’m going to be posting about it all week. So much of his philosophy toward training a horse can be applied to our lives outside the arena.
Here’s today’s Clinton ‘n Kate on establishing respect.
(Note: Clinton Anderson doesn’t know me from Adam’s house cat, so know that I’m taking his name in vain, poor thing. I’ll do my best to quote him exactly and note where his wisdom ends and my expounding begins. And, yes, I’m going so far as to refer to him by his first name. This will read a lot easier. Plus, I’m older than him.)
The way Clinton’s demonstrations work is that a problem horse he hasn’t met before is brought into the arena for him to work with. The owner talks a bit about the horse’s personality and history and describes things that are a problem on the ground, under saddle, things that are frustrating or unsafe, etc. Then, Clinton applies his training method to this horse all the while narrating why he’s doing what he’s doing and why and even talking about why the horse is reacting (or not reacting) to him.
With every horse, no matter the problems the owner described, Clinton always started with the same comments about respect. You must have respect, he would say. Establishing respect establishes communication, he would say. And without respect, there are safety concerns because a horse will become assertive and pushy. He went on to talk a bit about body language and how you can know what a horse is thinking.
Tossing their head about, not standing still, rearing, striking, biting, refusing to get on a trailer…all these things a horse will do to get out of doing what is being asked and these are all signs that a horse has little respect for the owner or the job he’s to do.
Hearing him say these things before even having his own experiences with the horse was like being hit with a 2×4. He’s saying that immediately, right from the start, and without hesitation, a leader must have respect of the people who follow him. And, without respect, you’ve got no outcome. Not getting to work on time, missing deadlines, ignoring the dress code, working against company policy, gossiping…these are all signs of disrespect for the company and its owners.
Clinton would say you have to establish respect before you can even begin to correct behavior because lessons aren’t retained until that communication (i.e. respect) is in place. Another 2×4. I’d never thought about it like that. I have wondered why some organizations respond better to training than others, and I guess this is it. It makes sense. Are you going to willingly take instruction or constructive criticism from someone you don’t admire, trust or want to emulate?
And here’s the last crowning blow: the horse has to make the decision to go along with you, Clinton said. You can’t force an employee or co-worker to not spread their cynicism and bad attitude around the office any more than you can push or pull a 1200 pound animal through a water puddle.
Earning respect requires constant attention, repetition and practice. But if the leader will work diligently, he’ll get the respect.
I know, I know. You want to know how, right? How do I get my team to stand still and listen to my direction?
Clinton would say you can control the mind by creating movement. So, tomorrow, move your fingers over your keyboard, come back to The Civilized Minute and read Clinton ‘n Kate on change.
Are you familiar with Clinton Anderson? He’s the Downunder Horsemanship guy on tv. Emma and I went to see his program over the weekend and I gotta tell you, it was soooo much more than I expected.
First, there were a little over 2000 people there and he had nearly every person (over the age of, say, 10) hanging on his every word. He has this really special way of making you feel like he is talking directly to you – even though he is 200 feet down and away, speaking into a microphone and not even making eye contact. It’s not a cool guy charisma kind of thing, although I do feel for the girls I’m sure he left in his wake during college, it appears completely natural and it draws you in. I was blown away by the rock star way the crowd responded to him. People were holding up signs, screaming his name and would stand in a line 800 people deep to get a picture with him.
Two things were obvious about why this may be. One, he definitely knows what he’s talking about. He had those horses wanting to sleep in his back pocket after working with them only 20 minutes. Plus, he explained his method of training so clearly, it made anybody of any age and skill level want to at least give it a try. Second, he made receiving the information easy. He was quick to express the frustration (and fear) of trying to get a 1200 pound animal to do what you say when you say, he was quick to laugh about it and that – in my opinion – made people feel like he is a real person simply showing you something…not an expert whose team setup his stage success minutes before letting you have a look. It felt more like we were sitting on his fence at his farm and not in an event arena.
He made a fan out of me, I’ll tell you that right now. I even made Emma stand in line so I could take her picture with him. She was mortified.
Can you see the words under his logo? Innovation. Inspiration. Instruction. I was inspired all right. Inspired to take his words of wisdom, his approach for training and ways of establishing leadership into my work, home, parenting and, yep, to the barn. This week, I’m going to share some of the most meaningful things I learned over the weekend and tell you how you can apply them to some of your people problem spots. It’s all pretty basic stuff. I mean, if an animal can learn it….
I could probably explain this a lot better if I had my own horse. Geez! What’s a girl gotta do to get a horse around here?
